During my pregnancy I had more surveillance, more medical checks and more nannying than anything I could have imagined. Yet after my five days with slap-up meals in the maternity ward I came home to our little French apartment and there my assumptions came crashing down. Cheery health visitor to come and check all was well? No. Network of mother and baby groups providing somewhere to chat with other new mums? No. Wherever I asked I was met with blank faces. To begin with I assumed (there I go again) that it was something to do with my grasp of French. But French friends who understood my garbling confirmed the full horror of parental isolation if you are stupid enough not to live near your family. There are some options but these definitely come with an agenda. First I tried La Leche League which, although very helpful about breast-feeding, was not really much fun. Then it was the turn of Pause Gouter but at times daughter#1 and I were the only pair there being watched by the psychologist animateurs. I just wanted to meet other parents. Or rather I wanted to meet other people who were around during the day, and happened to have children. I have to confess that I don't really like children but I do like people. My philosophy for parenting goes along the lines that if I'm happy that's half the battle won and being happy doesn't involve feeling isolated. So, how was I going to meet these people? Chasing people with pushchairs around Montpellier handing out my email address didn't seem wise, although I have done it to people who I thought looked friendly. Not surprisingly these people have never got in touch!
So, I started seriously trying to put something together when I was pregnant with #1in 2002. Adverts put up in sage femme waiting rooms asking if anyone wanted to meet up for to walk, bavarder or even drink tea yielded no response. Tantalisingly, my number dangling on little tear-off strips was taken by a few people, who stayed too shy to contact me. Then in September 2003 we joined the local Anglophone group - the British Cultural Association - in Montpellier. This was against our better judgment but we'd given ourselves a year to find friends without 'resorting' to the English speaking community. It turns out to have been an excellent move.
I stood on the BCA stall at the Foire des Associations holding #1aged 1 and spoke to Dejana a wonderfully warm Serbian architect, based in Montpellier and not working while she looked after her 2 small children. She had been told to come and talk to me about 'my' group. We agreed to meet the next week at her flat just for the fun of it; just to hang out with a fellow human being while the children hung out doing whatever it is that they do. We had a lovely afternoon and realized that this was clearly a good thing to do! The Foire had come up with a few other women who were interested in doing the same thing so the next week I contacted them all and we got together in Valerie's flat, again central Montpellier. This was where the name PIG was born. The BCA committee had asked for a 'name' so we decided that Parent and Infant Group wasn't such a daft title, especially as its silliness seemed to bother some of the older BCA members! The name has matured and proved more appropriate than we could have dreamed. We now have PIG-outs where we head off into the evening without the children. There is an associated spin off evening group of PIG-men, where our partners get together for beer and manly nappy discussions. But the best email subject line has to have been PIG-spa where we all had a days Thalasso to celebrate the arrival of 2 new piglets to the group.
After that first meeting PIG has just continued to expand. Originally we were part of the BCA but now PIG stands alone and new people hear about us through word of mouth. This works well. Numbers have to be limited simply to maintain the manageable size of the group. At present there are something like 12 mums (only one Dad so far) and 20 children. The plan was, and still is, to meet informally every other Wednesday with the location depending on the weather. Invariably when it's cold we head to someone's house. The emphasis is on informal gatherings and an unsaid rule has developed that the chosen venue is non-paying. The most recent PIG at my house on a chilly January day was, to put it simply, a riot. Twelve children and 8 adults pushed the seams of the house to its maximum. But nobody minds the mayhem. The key is that we all take it in turns to host a PIG, or rather have our homes trashed and our children's understanding of 'sharing' their toys given a shock treatment. Generally the children just play. We're unselective about fetes and will celebrate Christmas in British style, Galette des rois just like the French and even Chinese New Year has used as an excuse to make paper dragons. Every so often I get urges to be more educationally focused so set out paints or things to do. But, the average school day is so structured that it's more productive for the children to develop their own games in their wonderful mix of languages. The babble is a delicious melting pot of frenglish; "Il faut que you give me that" or "Je veux a biscuit please" are often to be heard.
Behind the socialising is an important agenda for our children. They are all growing up bilingual and as 'Third Culture Children". For the moment they are all under four but as they get older PIG will stand as support for them as they begin to understand more about their lifestyle. Through PIG they will have friends in the same situation to help them understand that they are not freaks. With the exception of one child they all attend their local schools and crèches. The parents have made a conscientious decision that they will do exactly as the local children do. The only difference being that they speak at least two languages.
The group is an ever expanding international mix with the language flitting between French and English. We're English, French, Irish, New Zealanders and beyond. Perhaps the only criterion is access to email as this is the most useful way to arranging dates. In fact, I would say this is crucial. Nobody pays to join, nobody has specific insurance (something that I'm beginning to worry about slightly I must admit) and there are no committee meetings. This is exactly what I set out to establish. We now have those long meals with friends and the children playing together that I dreamed of at the very beginning. PIG is an international gathering of Third Culture Children and their parents and just proves that PIG-ideas can fly!
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